Jan. 17th, 2017

silailo: (mingchao colors)
Oh my goodness, oh my goodness. I just sent off an email to an instructor at the college I graduated from asking for help applying to grad school. I did already do the GRE, so that was a step I got out of the way, but actually going through the process of applying... This has to be the year it happens. I don't want to wait any longer. I found out one of my instructors is retiring from his side job working with a local tribe, but I'm not sure this means he'll be retiring from teaching, but if he is then that would mean I'd have to track him down somehow if I want a letter of recommendation from  him (and he said he would do one for me if I needed one). I know of at least two others who would also be happy to write me one, but I haven't talked to them in a long time. It makes me feel guilty because I feel like I'm using them, but I do know they love helping students, so I have to keep that in mind.

Part of me doesn't understand why I waited so long to do this one simple thing. I let fear hold me back from doing a lot of things.

I don't know what to expect. I hope he'll get back to me.
silailo: (urd)
I heard back from the instructor, but we haven't scheduled a meeting yet. At least I've taken that one small step.

My right hand still bothers me a little. Back in September I finished work one day and realized my hand hurt like heck on the right side, but it would only hurt if I move it at certain angles. At first it hurt a lot if I moved it a certain way, but I just thought I did something to make it ridiculously sore. However, it didn't go away after a few days. For some reason I didn't think much of it. After a month I finally decided to file an injury report at work, my third one since I started working for the Forest Service in 2015 (the first one wasn't too serious and I didn't need to see a doctor. I had to fill out a report to be on the safe side). I considered seeing a doctor, but chose not to a few days later because I thought my hand started feeling a lot better. Even today, though, I can still feel it. It makes me wonder if I should go in, but I doubt they'd find anything, even if they took x-rays. If I had fractured something, wouldn't I feel it all the time? Several years ago I cracked a rib and don't remember it hurting that much unless I put a lot of pressure on it or moved weird.

The pain went away for a while it seemed, but over the last few weeks I've felt it more keenly, probably because I've been on the computer a lot and typing probably irritates whatever is causing the pain. It really just feels sore is all. I'm still debating on whether I should call and reopen my case to see a doctor.

The nice thing about my job is having that assurance that if some time down the road an old injury flares up, then I can go see a doctor and the FS will pay for it, even if it's years later and I don't even work for them.

In other news, I finally got my camera bag I ordered from ideer. I was on their website today and saw they released some new products, too, but I don't like any of them (I think square backpacks are ugly). I decided that if I go to grad school--or I should say when I go to grad school, I want to buy this sleeve for my tablet. But it's probably a waste of money because I'll end up using some regular old backpack like usual. I just want to be cute.

Dream

Jan. 17th, 2017 11:05 pm
silailo: (perfume)
I had some upsetting dreams last night, but they were all connected somehow. I'd wake up from one, go back to sleep, and the dream would continue. It had something to do with being chased by someone who wanted to kill me, and I kept running until I was in a house with some other people...relatives, I think. My mom was there, I know that. But I kept switching roles, like I was a different character reach time. At one point I was trying to make sure everyone packed up and got out of the house because I (or someone else, I don't remember) was supposed to confront this person who was trying to kill me, and I planned to kill them first. Then my role switched again and I was trying to pack all my junk into my car and get out as fast as possible. I woke up before I could get everything together. To calm myself down I thought, "I did get my stuff out and I made it out long before that person arrived." I can make that up if I want.

I don't know what I ate last night. Geez.

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